Tag Archives: marriage

Believe it or not…

So you know that thing I had talked about in my previous post that I said may or may not happen that you may or may not hear about?

Yeah, I think I’m gonna tell you about it now. Because it’s happening.

My good friend, Emily LeFever, and I are now courting as of yesterday. Or dating. Whatever you want to call it. But not dating the way the world sees it.

Dating in the world’s eyes is essentially the illusion of a deep relationship with a someone because of the high level of romantic intimacy that couples dive into right off the bat. This leads to getting attached to someone for the wrong reasons, e.g. being with them because they make you feel good, or because it gives you security. And a lot of times, dating is used as an end in and of itself. In other words, there are a lot of people who date because they like dating, or are just dating with no clear purpose in mind. This just feels wrong to me.

Because of the immediate romantic/emotional intimacy that happens really fast in such a dating relationship, it leaves out a lot of opportunity to actually get to know the other person. Both parties are trying to impress the other person, not figure out who the heck they’re dating. Infatuation tends to be blinding, a mask to cover issues in a relationship.

Essentially, what I’m saying is that dating in the world tends to be more about fun than anything.

What Emily and I have agreed upon is a relationship with a purpose, a goal. That goal is to find out if marriage is a possibility. And this stage of our relationship will end in either marriage or not marriage. The idea is to find out about as much of the other person (and ourselves) as we can, while romance grows appropriately around that. The goal is to guard our hearts, guard each other’s hearts, and grow in God as we discover who we are together.

We’ve also decided to not make it “Facebook official” yet, mainly because we’ll get 40 thousand notifications (each) from people commenting on our relationship status saying, “OMG, congratulations!!! You two are so cute together! You guys should get married and have babies together!!!!” And we’re not really keen on that, considering the nature of the relationship is to find out who we are, not jump into a bunch of peer accelerated romance. Perhaps we’ll put it up in the future, we’re not sure yet.

But I at least wanted you all to know about it, because I’m pretty excited about this new season in life. :)


Let’s just get controversial, shall we?

There are many people that might say that God has picked one person for you to marry.

I want to know where people get that idea.

Where in the Bible does it say God has picked your husband or bride for you, and you have to be on the alert constantly for clues as to who it is?

I can see how the concept might appeal to some people. It can be taken as a very romantic sentiment, that he/she is the only one for you, that this marriage was chosen in heaven, that there can be no possible other. Maybe it can give people a sense that there’s much less possibility for conflict or divorce, since if it was chosen by God, how can it fall apart? Which of course lulls them into a false sense of instability, and making it likely for them to be eaten by a grue.

So let me tell you what I think, since this IS my blog, after all. I believe we have a choice, as we have the ability to choose a career, or choose which car to get. However, I think we need to operate under the will of God, and what I mean by that is the moral will of God that he has laid out in the Bible. I don’t think God has said that he will pick out our spouses FOR us, dropping them into our laps, so to speak. But he does give requirements and guidelines in terms of choosing a spouse, the first and most notable being that they need to be a Christian. But that’s our choice, to either be in God’s moral will in that sense, or not to be. God won’t necessarily plunk us in front of our future spouse and say, “Hey! You guys should be married, go find a pastor already!” Not saying that’s out of the question, just that it shouldn’t be expected.

“But Derek, that’s so unromantic,” I can imagine you saying. “MY significant other is definitely the ONLY one I could ever love so much that it makes my face slightly sore from the love that is shown in my eyes and sloppy kisses!”

Bleh, first off.

Second, learn grammar.

Third, you seem to not have grasped the concept of love. Love requires a choice. Love requires effort. Love doesn’t just happen, whether inspired by God or otherwise. What’s romantic about “easy” love? What’s more romantic, CHOOSING someone, or having someone chosen for you by God, requiring little effort on your part to love that person? Isn’t it worth more when your significant other loves you because they WANT to love you? When they make sacrifices to love you because they chose you over all the other allowable candidates? That seems more romantic to me.

That’s just my appeal to the romantics, not my actual argument. My argument is that I don’t think there’s any Scripture pointing toward God choosing our spouses for us.

Feel free to interject.

Currently listening to: Super Rad! by The Aquabats (iTunes)